A Really Awesome Mess by Trish Cook & Brendan Halpin

Author:Trish Cook & Brendan Halpin [Cook, Trish & Halpin, Brendan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9781606843642
Google: l0aTaswHz1kC
Amazon: B00B6OV8ZA
Publisher: EgmontUSA
Published: 2013-07-23T07:00:00+00:00

I WOKE UP WHEN THE VAN STOPPED. “STATE FAIRGROUNDS, everybody!” Tina called out, and everybody kind of started moving in slow motion. Everybody except Diana, that is.

“Okay, who’s too chickenshit to go on the puke rides? ‘Cause I wanna ride everything, and if you guys are too weak to take it, I’m gonna have to sit next to some black-toothed meth-addicted local yokel, and that does not make me happy because they might try to kidnap me because I’m pretty.”

“Not to mention good-natured,” Chip said, and everybody except Diana laughed.

Diana shot back, “Listen, Frodo. Keep talking and I will put my foot so far up your ass that my toenails will be your teeth.”

At this, Tina blew an airhorn. The sound was excruciating as it bounced around the metal box we were in, and everybody froze and looked at Tina.

“Okay, listen up, guys. I need you to understand something. As you may have gathered, this little trip is not standard procedure at Assland.”

There was stunned silence. Finally Diana said, “You … you called it …”

“I know what I called it, Diana,” Tina said, smiling. “This is in order to emphasize something. We are not on campus. It’s impossible for anybody to monitor what happens here. And I want you to know very well that I understand the temptation to misbehave. That’s why I just did it.”

“Ooo, you said ass,” Tracy said. “Big deal.”

Tina stared at him. “Shit. Fuck. Queef. Happy?”

Emmy snorted. “Did you really just say—”

“Yes. Now listen. I’ve really gone out on a limb for you guys. Okay? I begged, wheedled, and cajoled the administration into allowing you guys to have some extra privileges, because I really believe that the teamwork you’ve been showing in the past few weeks is a great thing and is really helping all of you. I spent an hour on the phone with each one of your parents getting their approval for this.”

I, for one, was impressed. “Did you actually talk to my dad for an hour?” I wasn’t sure anyone had gotten an hour of his time in the last sixteen years.

Tina looked at me. “I did. He’s very worried about you.”

I didn’t want to be thinking about that asshole on a night when I was supposed to be having fun, so I didn’t go any further with this conversation.

“All I’m saying is this: I have put my own ass on the line for you. And if you screw this up by doing anything even remotely unethical or illegal, then I am most likely finished at this school. Don’t make me look like an idiot for putting myself on the line for you. Okay?”

Everybody nodded, some of us kind of sheepishly.

“I didn’t hear you. I said, Okay?”

“Okay, okay!” everybody said.

“Great. One more thing. Have fun tonight. You guys really have worked hard, and I’m really proud of you.” Tina opened the doors of the van and we all filed out into the parking lot. I took a deep breath.

“Hmm … manure, car exhaust, fried food, and, unless I miss my guess, just a hint of BO,” I said.

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